me at a job interview
there’s no better feeling than laying next to the person you love and they don’t know you love them or that you’re in their house again
How to bring your baby to the cinema:
No, but the funniest shit here is the dog’s face at the very beginning. He’s like: “we’re rolling? Okay. Here we go.”
people who are like “HUMANS ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT STEALS THE MILK OF OTHER LIVING CREATURES”
ants herd aphids and jerk them off so they can eat their cum so shut the fuck up
there’s also an ant that protects a single caterpillar that oozes sugary stuff from these little things on its butt.
ants are fucked up
Ladies and gentleman, this is why font choice matters.
this oatmeal has god damn dinosaur eggs in it and then when you cook it THE DINOSAURS FUCKIN HATCH IM SO PUMPED
i remember the “selling their kid on ebay” story…
Who sells their kid on ebay? That’s nuts.
That’s a child. A living being that you made.
That shit goes on etsy.